One month is what I gave him. Yes, it was selfish as hell for me to even began to think I deserved his forgiveness... But he was the only man I loved. Just the thought of him cozying up with another bitch made my ass itch and I didn't shy away from questioning him whenever he did one of his random pop-ups to drop off some cash or see his daughter at the crack of dawn. He'd come in, ignore me, spend some time with Tyler... I'd bug him to no end, we'd curse each other out, fuck, sometimes he'd sleep over then he'd leave like nothing happened. He'd purposely not call me or text for a couple days, but I knew the only reason he was popping up was to see if I had a nigga in the condo he'd paid for. Yes, the deed is in my name. And yes, I chose this apartment downtown because I wanted to spread my wings a little and Tyrone insisted his baby girl didn't grow up on the south or west sides of Chicago.
"You not finna have my baby in da jets wit deez niggas, Charli--It's downtown or you goin' to da Burbs..." And what parent wouldn't want the best for their child? I want Tyler to excel and be the best version of me and Tyrone that she can be. So, I ended up in River North with one of the best damn views in the city and nobody to share it with. On the outside looking in, I had it made in the shade. I just wanted my baby daddy to get back to the same mindset that drew him to me. If he really thought about it, no other bitch in this city--Hell, country--Nah, the world could be to him what I already was for him. I did my dirt, yes, but I know how the game goes. It takes a coldhearted, down ass bitch to do the things I would do. If Tyrone handed me a gun, drove me to a remote location, and told me to pop the first person we see... BANG! BANG! No questions asked I got you!
Watching my daughter drink from her bottle, I thought back to the dream I had of her after I got shot. What was the point of saving us if you didn’t want us? I rolled my eyes at my own thoughts before stomping over to my liquor cabinet. My best friend was this yak and I was in need of two cups. Pouring the first down my guzzler, I laughed at my wretchedness before reaching for a glass. Filling it to the brim, I took another gulp until the glass was half-full. Lightheaded and feeling much better, I burped, blinked then turned back to my little fat-fat in her bouncer.
"Yo daddy acting like a bitch," I mumbled to Tyler who's bright, brown eyes were stuck on me.
KNOCK. KNOCK.
Unbuckling my baby from her seat, I carried her to the door with me and opened it. Jenna was late and she wore the guilt on her face. Keeping it mute and cute, I twirled on the back of my red bottoms and clicked all the way back to the kitchen.
"I'm so sorry, Ms. Rahim--I had a project I couldn't miss..." she tried explaining to me as I strapped Tyler back into her bouncer on the counter. "I'll take a twenty dollar deduction, it's not a problem..." she told me as I quickly snapped my head in her direction.
How the fuck you gon' tell me what I'm gon' pay you? With my damn money? This is what happens when you higher white privilege. She was good with my baby and I liked Jenna but I wasn't the one to fuck with--Especially, not in the mental state, I was in now. I’m going out with Armeeshia tonight and I’m gonna have a good ass time. Chill out, Lima, I told myself trying to calm down.
"Her next bottle is already in the fridge--I fed her, so she should go to sleep with no problem--Oh, and I already gave her a bath, too."
"Okay, no problem," Jenna was on it like Johnny on the spot and that's the only reason why I didn't snap on her. "I brought new books--Alice and the Looking Glass and a Disney Princess book I saw on the shelf at Barnes and Nobles!" Jenna cracked up laughing by herself and I chuckled a little at her enthusiasm.
"Aww, Ty's gonna love that!" I decided to humor her, keeping a smirk on my face as I checked my phone for the time. C'mon Meesha, man--Damn! "You eat?" I asked her putting my phone down as Jenna looked everywhere but me.
She had so much energy when she told me what I could deduct from her funds, but now she wanted to play coy about some damn food. If I could afford to pay her $80 an hour, ordering takeout was nothing to me.
"Girl..." I sighed as I tapped on my phone and dialed the closest pizza spot to me.
Ordering her a large pepperoni and sausage, I went down my usual list of things I needed her to do and abide by like getting my baby to sleep at eleven, no later or earlier. Because I knew I would be out for a minute and I didn't want to chance her waking up at the crack of dawn while I was still hungover. You know how it is sometimes..."And you can fix whatever I got in there--Pancakes, eggs, bacon... In the morning," I told her as she nodded her head up and down. "And you know I'ma have a car downstairs waiting for you--"
"Oh, yeah, no problem Ms. Rahim--"
"Salimah, Jenna--Just call me Salimah," I grunted as she quickly turned away from me. "I might be older than you but I ain't that old!" I told her, snatching my glass off the countertop and downing the last of my liquor.
"Ok--Sorry," she quickly apologized before pushing her hair behind her ears and looking away from me.
Feeling like I needed another pick-me-up, I quickly poured myself another glass, while Jenna wasn’t watching and took it to the head. Placing my cup into the sink, nothing could wipe this smile off my face.
PING. PING.
"Mrs. Taylor--"
Except that!
"Rahim!" I shouted, catching Jenna’s face after I’d just corrected her about calling me by my last name.
"I'm so sorry--I'm only stating what's on file--"
"That's nice but I'm telling you who I am," I snapped knowing the front desk attendant was likely new and unaware of the attitude I'd been brewing for the past two months. "What?" I sighed after a long pregnant pause.
"Oh, sorry--Armee Grant is on her way up to see you and--" He butchered her name.
"Yeah, okay--Thank you--Bye!" I rolled my eyes, rushing the new guy off my intercom system before turning my attention back towards Jenna. "She's been a little fussy today but I think her teeth are coming in--"
"I got it covered," Jenna promised me just as my doorbell buzzed.
Walking out of the kitchen, I took a moment to look at myself in the hall mirror. Bad as fuck--Per usual! No matter how far Tyrone knocked me off my square with this emotional shit, he still couldn't make me feel insecure about my looks. And yeah, I'd gotten word from more than a few people that he was fucking on a couple bitches around the way but it's cool. Those hoes would most likely be where me and Armeeshia were going tonight and I was gonna make my presence known. Probably stick a couple of em so they know who the fuck Tyrone really fucks with.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Giggling as I pulled the door open, Armeeshia had her hand on her hips posing so I could see the way her red dress accentuated her curves. Bad as fuck! I thought while giving her my nod of approval.
“Bad Bitches, link up!” I giggled, slapping the palm of her hand as she doubled over in laughter.
“Yo ass tweakin’ already!” Armeeshia cackled as I shook my head, denying what we both knew was the truth.
“How many?”
“Two,” I lied as she shrugged, making her way into my house.
"You look cute--"
"Better than cute!" I cut her off with a slight pop of my lips.
"Ooo--Okay--Bitch!" Armeeshia giggled as her eyes glimmered and glittered as she took in the same decor and space she always saw when she came over to see me.
"I'll never get over this shit..." Armeeshia grinned as she ran her fingers over the trim on the wall. "Remember when Tion car almost ran yo ass over?" she reminisced as I giggled and nodded my head. "Who would've thought that night would change yo life forever?"
Tucking my bottom lip into my mouth as I thought back on that night I could feel a slight pain in my side reminding me of the true reason why I was plotting at Brunner's. I never stopped feeling guilty but I tried to counter my shame with my heroism and sometimes it worked... And there were times when it didn’t. Right now was one of those times. Choosing to walk away from this space, I ended up back in the kitchen with thoughts of pouring another cup. No, no--I can’t! I thought knowing I would be one step closer to becoming an alcoholic... If I was one already.
"Where's my pooh bear?" Armeeshia followed me into the kitchen, making a beeline to my fridge for a pop.
Raising my shoulders, I couldn't pinpoint where my daughter was but I knew she was somewhere inside this house. Jenna always kept her entertained.
"She somewhere in here--I got Jenna here," I told her as I picked my phone up off the counter.
There weren’t any messages from Ty but my sisters--Both of them texted. Ignoring Amani’s because we talked daily, I skipped to Fatima’s
Fatima: Hey it’s Fatima
Me: Ik who it is
Smirking with a shake of my head, I was ready to shake my ass and get sloppy.
Fatima: Oh, right. Joseph changed my number. Wyd?
Me: Ik. Mani gave it to me anyway 🤪 😂 Meeshia came over. We just gon chill
Although I didn’t want to lie to my sister, I had to cover my ass. When she went to sleep or wasn’t near her phone, Torin would go through her phone. That’s why she’s on her sixth number change this year.
Fatima: U wanna come over tomorrow?
Me: U think that’s a good idea?
Fatima: Torin isn’t here. And there’s this girl staying with BJ and u know Mani is in her feelings. 😒
Laughing at my little sister coming into her own, I would’ve never thought I’d see the day when she joked about one of us to one of us... I mean, me and Mani, especially me, really did a number on her confidence. Maybe Torin is a good fit for her healing--Can’t stand his stank ass but at least he’s good to my sister.
Fatima: She sent me a pic of her. She’s gorgeous... I kinda feel some type of way tho. 😤
Gazing at the image my sister had sent me, I was stuck for a moment. Damn--
Me: Let’s pull up on BJ and this bitch 👊🏾👊🏾😤😤
Fatima: A’ight bet 👊🏾👊🏾
Clutching my chest, I had to blink twice before rereading my baby sister’s text. Okay lil Torin. Allowing the convo to end like that, now I was ready to pop out, juke, and cut loose!
"You ready?"
"Hell yeah!" Armeeshia beamed as she took one last sip from her pop.
"LET'S BOUNCE!"
"All da bad bitches with da slug action in da back--Step to da floor!"
Knows how to party, Knows how to partyIn the city...Keep it rockin, keep it rockin
Clapping my hands together, once, before snapping and rocking my hips, Juicy Booty was my favorite song off Chris Brown’s Heartbreak album. Shimming over to the bar with Armeeshia, I was ready to bust a couple shots back then drop my ass in the middle of the dance floor. The buzz I thought I had when we left was fading. I think Jenna got into my shit and watered it down a little. Twisting my lips as I rolled my eyes, there was nothing I could do about it now but get faded. I was craving attention tonight and I didn't care how I got it and who gave it to me. As long as every eye in this club were on me and the music kept bumping I was gonna dance all night.
"Two Blue Blitzens--"
"Nah, make it four," Armeeshia yelled over me and the music unaware that I’d lied about how much I drank before we arrived, as I shook my head. "Girl, yes!" she pushed me back, almost making me stumble over the back of my heels.
Rolling my eyes just as she apologized, I quickly counted down from four then released the negative energy. I didn't want to fight with my best friend because she would be getting two months of pent up aggression I'd stored away for Tyrone.
"Thanks," I grabbed my shots and waited for Armeeshia to give me that look.
Smirking, we tossed both them bitches back and scrunched up our faces once that tequila hit. Not needing a lime, I thugged it out and ordered two more. Four shots in, I felt loose enough to get me something weaker to sip. I wasn't trying to tap out thirty minutes into the night.
"Damn--Wussup witchu," I felt a hand tap my shoulder just as the bartender handed me my drink.
"Malcolm!" I squealed as he pulled me into a hug. "I feel like I ain't seen you in a minute!"
"Yeah--I know--Eh, sorry bout Jewel, man--Dat shit wild as hell," he gave me his condolences my jaw clenched shut.
Ever since I found out about my mama's murder, I tried to block that shit out of my head. It just didn't seem real to me. How could she be gone? Her and Sammy always had disagreements, arguments, and fall-outs but I never thought she would kill my mama. And Jewel wasn't a saint by a long shot but neither was Sammy. She was worse than Jewel, in my opinion. Half the fucked up shit Jewel did to people was because of Sammy talking her into it or out of it. That bitch didn't deserve a trial nor to spend the rest of her life in prison--Somebody should slice and dice her muhfuckin' ass the same way she did Jewel.
"You know da whole hood on Samuel's head, bruh--"
"You stupid!" I giggled to keep from crying as Malcolm pulled me into another hug.
It felt good to see somebody, me and my mama knew. Ever since I moved downtown, its just been me and Tyler. Occasionally, Armeeshia and Amani would drop by but nobody fucked with me the same way anymore. And even though Fatima dropped by the hospital the day I gave birth, she had yet to come over and see me. I texted her every now and then but Torin made it his priority to keep my own little sister away from me. And who could blame him? I wasn't much of a sister to her and I didn't think about how me mistreating her affected her in the long run.
"Where you staying at--I heard you gotta baby--Oh and...” Malcolm clasped his hands together with a smirk on his face. “Lil baby gotta baby now, too?"
"Yeah--She had twins--"
"Get da fuck outta here--Jewel used to keep her on lock and key--Soon as she broke out she got knocked," Malcolm joked because he didn't know the real deal and I laughed it off because I wasn't about to tell him the truth either. "Who shot her shit up--My fault,” Malcolm caught his wording a little too late but, at least, he apologized for it.
“It’s cool--”
"Torin Taylor!" Armeeshia slurred a little as I cut my eyes at her. “Dats Tima babies’ daddy.”
I liked Malcolm and he was always cool but I didn't plan on telling him all my business or Fatima's.
"Torin-Torin?" he asked Armeeshia who was just as eager to flap her gums. "Slap it--"
“On my soul--Lima playin' but her baby daddy Tyrone," Armeeshia's mouth was running like a faucet.
“Taylor?” Malcolm’s eyes were locked on mine as I tried pinching Armeeshia to get her to shut her mouth. “Damn, y’all was on dat trap shit, huh--”
“No,” I cut him right the fuck off. “I would never and Ty and Torin wouldn’t go for no shit like that.”
“I guess not,” his response was odd as I tried wrapping my arm around my best friend to walk away.
Locking my right hand to her, Armeeshia pushed me away as her and Malcolm continued talking about me and my baby sister.
"Damn--I heard Torin ain't from here or some shit... He gotta whole daddy out in Dubai and shit--"
"Damn--I heard Torin ain't from here or some shit... He gotta whole daddy out in Dubai and shit--"
"No he don't," I interjected, knowing I didn't want to continue with this conversation anymore. "His daddy from Saudi Arabia but Torin was born and raised here--"
"Dats what I meant," Malcolm cleared it up for me as I nodded awkwardly. "My fault, shorty--I wasn't tryna step on yo toes... I just seent yo ass from ova dere," He pointed to the left where a group of his niggas were posted.
Some of them I recognized from my childhood and a few of them were new faces I didn't plan on getting acquainted with.
"I'ma leave y'all alone--I'on need no Taylor problems," Malcolm pulled me into one last hug before he shuffled back over to the group he came from.
"You think he gon' tell Tyrone you was up here?" Armeeshia asked me as I rolled my eyes at her.
"Not before you do!" I snapped, pulling her away from the bar.
"I'm sorry, Lima--It just slipped--"
"Well make sure that shit don't happen again--I don't need muhfuckas up here thinkin' I'm an easy target because of who my baby daddy is," I explained to her as she nodded her head.
Regardless of how I felt about Tyrone and what we were going through now, I understood that the Taylor name held weight. You could come up out a situation untouched or have everybody on the premises plotting on you. And no, we weren't a secret but nobody had seen us together or any pictures of Tyler. As far as anybody knew, our relationship was hearsay and Geante and his weak ass crew shooting me was due to me being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
"Hey, Salimah!" I heard my name as I turned to see bubble lipped Sasha and her two-tone hair dyed crew behind her.
This bitch, I thought, knowing exactly why they were calling out to me. Trying to keep my face from showing how bothered I was, I turned slowly, acted surprised and waited for this fake ass moment to be over.
“Armeeshia?” Sasha tried to act like she didn’t see my best friend beside me when she first called out to me.
Giving Meeshia the slickest eye roll she smirked then forced her phony smile onto her face, as well.
“Wussup, Sasha--I thought you was pregnant,” Armeeshia’s petty comment actually had me smiling genuinely.
“Nope--You know Danny ass stay lying when we break up,” she quickly countered Armeeshia’s comment but we knew she was lying.
This was one bitch who had a pet cemetery full of babies she swore only belonged to Danny. Truth is, she was fucking and sucking anybody she felt would elevate her life. Almost how I was with Sean--But I wasn’t just out there geeking on anybody. I wanted the bag but not that damn bad.
“I heard you had a baby--Sorry about the shooting...” she twisted her lips and I could’ve sworn she said that shit like I’d lost my child.
Rolling my eyes to the side, I inhaled then shrugged.
“It’s cool--I’m alive,” I told her, keeping it as short and semi-sweet as I could be. “We good.”
“SALIMAH!”
Turning behind me, I glanced around until I heard my name again and narrowed my eyes in the direction it came from. Giggling as I held my arm up, Keese pushed through the crowd until he was standing beside me. It was awkward for only a second then his goofy ass pulled me into his arms and squeezed. Giggling as I hugged him back, I could hear Armeeshia laughing with me.
“You so silly, boy--Where Dede?” I asked watching his eyes wander. “Tsk! Whatchu do?”
Keese couldn’t keep his chink-cut eyes open for shit and most of the time he was high so that added to the squint-like expression he always seemed to have... But ever since we were kids it was like I could read his mind through those same eyes.
“I ain’t do nun--You know shorty be tweakin’--”
“No she don’t--Yo ass be wildin’ in deez streets!” Armeeshia popped his chest as he chuckled while shaking his head. “I heard about Dynasty--”
“Dat ain’t my fuckin’ baby,” Keese held then back of his chocolate hands as if he was praying to Allah. “On God! She said dat shit to get Dede hyped,” Keese admitted as my eyes bucked.
“Don’t play with God!” Armeeshia giggled.
“You fucked Dynasty nasty ass--Ugh!” I teased him as he goofily tucked his bottom lip into his mouth.
“Damn...” he watched me for a second. “I’m glad you here,” he told me as his jaw clenched and my eyes looked everywhere but his.
Nervously pinching my thigh, I knew exactly where he was getting at.
“How da baby doin?”
“She’s good--”
“You had a girl?” Sasha’s voice was behind me and honestly, I’d forgotten she and her friends were still lingering around.
Opening my mouth to speak, my phone vibrated in my hand as I glanced down at the screen. What the fuck? Sending Tyrone straight to voicemail, I looked back up at Keese, only to have my phone ringing again. Declining his call, he called right after that but this time I allowed it to go voicemail on its own.
“Yeah, I gotta daughter,” I said, once my phone finished ringing altogether.
“Awww...” was all Sasha could say as she swapped looks with her girls.
Feeling my phone buzz, I knew Tyrone was sending me a text in all caps. Ignoring them, I peered over to the VIP section seeing three girls, barely dressed dancing off-key. Smirking as I tapped Armeeshia to point them out we both shared a laugh. Dragging my eyes down from the balcony, I noticed a familiar face propped up against the wall. Squinting my eyes, I could see him standing next to two other men I recognized from my stay in the hospital. Swallowing slowly as I realized all three of them were staring back at me as my breathing stopped momentarily. Turning to the other wall, four other men jumped out to me. Oh, shit!
“You a’ight?” Keese asked me as I nodded. “You need a--”
“Back up right quick--Charli?” One of Tion’s bodyguards squeezed between me and Keese as I scrunched up my face, feigning dumb.
“Who?”
“Nice try,” he called my bluff as my face fell flat. “You need to pick up yo phone,” he ordered, embarrassing me in front of my best friend, Keese, Sasha, and her hating ass friends.
Right on cue, my phone vibrated again as I peeked down at it before glancing back up at Tion’s henchman as he pointed upward. Following his finger, I was staring back up at the balcony where Tyrone now stood with his phone to his ear mouthing pick up.
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